Pursuer distancer dating san diego phone dating

For this reason, the pursuer is often best served by discovering ways to call off the pursuit—and there are ways to reconnect with a distancing partner that don’t involve aggressive pursuing. Change your approach—and give your relationship a fighting chance.But distancers beware: Many partners, exhausted by years of pursuing and feeling unheard, leave a relationship or marriage suddenly.

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She writes, "One spouse becomes the 'pursuer,' favoring closeness and the other becomes a 'distancer,' favoring more separateness." It’s not uncommon for the person who is an emotional distancer to crave more sex and vice versa.

For instance, some couples swap roles over a particular issue—such as a woman who wants to be closer emotionally to her husband may not be interested in sex.

Likewise, distancers may feel the pressure of their partner’s preoccupation with having sex — intensifying the power struggle that exists.

For example, Ethan admits to making biting comments to Rebecca when she shuts down sexually, causing her to go further into her shell.

Ethan just wants to jump right into having sex without caring about my need to talk and spent time together."Rebecca and Ethan's intimacy struggle is not uncommon for many hard-working couples who are balancing jobs, parenthood and intimacy.

"Most sexual concerns stem from an interpersonal struggle in the marriage," writes sex therapist Laurie J.

Pursuit and distance are about separation anxiety and integration anxiety respectively.

Pursuers trigger a Distancer's integration anxiety which triggers the Pursuer's separation anxiety.

When this happens, the behavior of each partner provokes and maintains the behavior of the other.

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